Some Superstitions

by Paul Nachbar

It would be Great and Big and Large if i were thoroughly rational
(not confined to the petty and small and minor range of things)
Logical, objective, a lightning calculator,coolheaded, seemingly strong
Calm , collected,clearheaded,a Major or a Minor Dynamic Problem Solver
A Major or Minor Leader,
A Major or Minor Good Guy in the Eyes of Self and Others
Or Bad Guy in the Eyes of Self and Others,
A Major or Minor Scholar or Public Speaker Creator, Debator or Authority
For my own Good and that of Society, The Cause,
The World,The Ideal, the Goal, The Objective The Game
The Girl, The Boy, The Party, the Nation, The Society,
The Family, The God (or substitute for such)he House, the Car, The Glory
The Prize, the People, whatever
A computer brain as some had accused me of being,
A kind of contemporary Mr Spock: that would be
Something indeed: when almost none of 'us'
Is getting any sort of job, to be the Number Two person
Or hell maybe even Number One person
Aboard some 'ship' not utterly insignificant,
Not utterly unremunerated?

Alas I ended up being, probably not that much unlike you
A great believer in oracles, horoscopes, Great
Speeches with Great Arguments and fortune cookies, Gossip Columns:
If the given oracle had the appropriate looks,
Either horrifyingly ugly or else quite beautiful to me,
I would believe them, no matter what the actual logic here;
If the horoscopes seemed to have the proper form and style
And without much extra close examination, validity, reliability
Consistency and other virtues, then I believed them kind of
No matter where they came from;
If the Great Speeches and Great Arguments were written by people
With the appropriate credentials, which means
Who seemed 'educated' or 'schooled' or "properly trained" or 'well spoken'
Or very 'civilized' OR "very cultured" or 'very barbaric ' too
Or 'self confident' or interestingly self doubtful
Orr who had a 'big vocabulary or way with words and knew how to use it"
People who relative to my frame of references
Made up a great thoroughly convincing story
Including anecdotes which stuck to your mind like krazy glue
Whether true or false or debatable and dubious
And lots of flashy seemingly brilliantly descriptive or at least unforgettable
Buzz words, insults, prophecies glorious and grim, choice adjectives,
References to desired rewards and dreaded punishments
And very believable-seeming sets of statistics and calm, flowing
References to what some Authority had onetime said or supposedly said
Even if some of these stories were demonstrably false
Or cooked up or partial truths or appealed to emotions alone,
Particularly those of dare I say 'our' deepest anxieties about
Ourselves and our own absolute or relative or relatively or absolute safety
Of some kind,
"Value", "esteem", 'worth' or 'significance' or 'status' or 'popularity'
"Destiny" , 'doom" or 'fate'or 'loveabiity' or 'sexiness' or "attractiveness"
Or 'moral quality" or 'imagintiive quality" or "compatibility with others'
Or 'power in the marketplace' or 'power in the church or synagogue'
Or 'rank' as people who are deemed 'normal' or 'abnormal' or 'weird'
Or 'healthy' and 'unhealthy' or 'smart' or 'dumb'
Or that of good and bad,
I tended to believe them, at least to some degree.
.
If the fortune cookie slogans, or quotations "remarkable"
In their seeming crispness and terseness and cogency near universal applicability
As wise sources of advice on how to act, what to hope for, what to value,
What to believe in, who to believe in thoroughly, who was innocent
And who was guilty of such and such a crime or error in thinking or feeling
Or doing or expression or character or morality or attire and who was happy
For what reasons that one had any say in
Seemed to have the slightest thing to do with my life and times
And all those individuals who were variables in my life, past , present and future
I tended to believe them to and at times to make other people believe such too
And wanted to Leap into Productive and Remunerative Action quite dramatically.
But as all this magnificent flow of things went through my mind,
With some additions and subtractions and corrections, believable and not
From selected other people who seem to have earned some authority with me
Over time through such and such methods and tactics or techniques
Not to speak of gossip columns, public and private, broadcast and not broadcast,
Sung and not sung, spoken and not spoken, painted and not painted,
Drawn and not drawn, acted and not acted, danced and not danced,
Recorded and not recorded, filmed and not filmed, staged and not staged
Written down and not written down, of high and medium and low reputations,
Relating to friends or foes or texts or articles or popularistic or more formal sources:
Yes, I tend too to believe in much of that as well, like you

I somehow thought about something Mom had said 50 years ago:
"Sometimes stepping in shit is good luck too"
Though I doubt she meant on a daily or hourly basis.
Then I settled back, as usual , upon my couch, did a minor bit of unassigned
Cleaning,
A minor bit of unassigned cooking, a very minor bit of unassigned planning and a Very minor bit of unassigned believing
In anything other than myself and the things in my apartment
Plus some bird nattering on and on with some variations in a not unpleasant
Manner outside my window, all far more obscure to me than Greek or Latin,
The Hebrew I almost totally do not recall right now, the French I sort of know,
The German I almost totally forgot, Arabic, Farsi or Chinese which I do not
Know at all..

Regarding that particular bird and probably all other birds who are alive:
Either he or she is 'hungry' or he or she is not.
Either he or she is 'friendly' or he or she is not
Either or she is 'competing' or he or she is not
Either he or she is 'cooperating' or he or she is not
Either he or she is 'jealous' or he or she is not
Either he or she is 'bullying' or he or she is not
Either he or she is 'boastful' or he or she is not
Either he or she is 'lonely' or he or she is not.
Either he or she is 'needy' or he or she is not
Either he or she 'is wanting' or he or she is not.
Either he or she 'admiring' or he or she is not
Either he or she is 'nesting' or he or she is not
Either he or she wants 'mating' or he or she does not.
Either he or she is 'fighting' or he or she is not.
Either her or she is' horny' or he or she is not.
Either he or she is 'brave' or he or she is 'scared'
Either he or she is 'happy' or he or she is sad'
Or some usual or unusual pleasing exciting or saddening
Or maddening- longterm or shortterm combinations of all of the above:
Basic stuff like that.

Ah well: just a bunch of birdbrains chirping out the window
As they have been doing for a very very long time
With mostly the usual but not entilrely the usual consequences
In their varieagated bird lives
With all their diverse feathers of many different kinds
Both appealing to me and not appealing in the very least
Distracting of course though somewhat boring too
Endlessly enthusiastic about stuff that happens all the time
Endlessly enthusiastic about stuff that happened all the time
Endlessly enthusiastic about stuff that will probably happen all the time